Dazed and Confused...
I know that this blog is not constantly updated and also that no one really visits this page anymore... so, this means taht I can able to just rant without any consequence? I sure hope so..
Its bl00dy amazing at what sh!t others can get you in... Its amazing that there are no to few consequences for those who make the mistake, while the consequences pile up for the p00r soul who has to clean up the mess.
My life has changed drastically, and how I wish my life could be reversed. I am not sure if I would have done anything in particular differently, yet, I feel that I must have lost my way somewhere... I thought I knew what I wanted... I thought I knew who I was, but I've come out more confused as ever... I have always thought I made good, right and just decisions... now I feel that my judgement has been permanently impaired. I can't make a even a simple decision without taking a double or a triple take. I thought I made a decision ages ago.. but I'm still struggling to comprehend why I made that decision and have flip-flopped back and forth since... yes.. the final decision has yet to be made. I can see that this is going to be a problem.. ok fine.. its already a problem.
Thank God that I have friends who are very supportive.. yet, even they don't have the full story.. ok.. Even I can't tell the full story. I can't stand to see my friends not smiling or even upset... as long as everyone is happy, I don't mind keeping to myself. Suprised huh.. me keep to myself..
I guess that its a facade that I've kept since Secondary school... try and please everyone except yourself.... Isn't this like for the "greater good" kind of thing? Regardless of what people like to say... like "its the inside that matters" or "inner beauty".... hogwash... crap... baloney.... its all surface...thats all it is.. its not what you think of people... its what people think of you. Thats what all that matters, what people perceive you to be and how they can use you for their own gains. Granted, not everyone is like that. I would have the assumption that a good 80% of people are like that.
Welcome to the real world Petrina... life's not a bed of roses... the thorns are the least of your worries. At the rate I'm going, I'll probably be a schit-zo by the time I'm 30; or in a mental institution by the time I'm 30; or dead at a very early age. I've approximately 6 years to get there.. :S
I'm constantly giving in to others, constantly doing something for someone else.. why...
Dazed, confused and very possibly going in the direction of being a very serverly depressed individual.
So.. whats new?
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Listening to: Linkin Park - In Pieces
via FoxyTunes
